Miscarriage

Well, what can I say.

I had the doctors appointment, and the baby was there and there was no heart beat. It was probably the worst experience of my life. The baby was there, I could see it. It was a little peanut and she/he was so cute.

The doctor was so quiet though, and I knew something was wrong. No wonder I started to feel better, the baby was gone.

I didn't want to do a D & C. I strongly objected against it. So I decided to go the natural route. I wanted to see my baby.

The doctor said that it would be like bad menstrual cramps. Bad Menstrual cramps my butt! I thought for sure I was going to have a 7 lb baby! The pain was SOOO bad. For 5 hrs straight the first day and then it went away so I thought it was over. Then the second day it was bad again and I had to go to the emergency room and sit in there and like double over in pain and I just cant explain how bad it is, like I was literally pushing! But if it is like labor pains, then at least I know what to expect.

Well the next day I had the D & C and I can't tell you how much better I felt. Ugh, I hate to say that but if it does happen again *and I pray to God it doesn't* I would choose to do that. It's just not a good thing, mentally or physically, to go through that kind of pain and then you don't get anything out of it.

Also, after the D & C, I started to get milk! I was only 8 weeks 4 days. I still have it a little bit but not as much. That just added salt to the wound. I guess my body thought I had a baby.

The crying has stopped, except for on occasions. Actually, my cousin had a baby yesterday and I didn't even cry about it. I guess when we go to see her it will be really hard.
I'm just mad because she had a one night stand with her friend and she got pregnant. It's just sooo unfair.

Well, I have some more stories to tell but this is a long post and I have to get ready for school *College*

:) Have a good day to whoever reads this, even though it is for my own piece of mind